Work today. I took the kids to the pool afterward and we swam for a few hours. Met up with some friends there, and later, my husband and I walked tonight after our work was done. Thoreau, in "Walking," writes about walking for 15, 20 or even 25 miles... often never seeing a human soul. I'm a city girl so I see people wherever I go. Sometimes I can find places, quiet and secret, depending on the time of day, but here where I live every turn I take often brings me to another face or body human tuned into working, exercising, playing.. just living. I don't mind that. I can't really put in the time to go out away from the city or even walking for more than 5 miles or so.. But still.... each walk is different, each process is different. I never go the same way or think about the same things.
I've been working a lot lately, we've been busy and the shop is really turning around. Going thru a transition to the next step.... When I'm not there, then I am here, working. And the kids are learning to make friends here in town since I can't drive them across the city or too far of a distance for companionship. So we are making due here in our town's neighborhoods with new friends and adventures in the old places
While I was out tonight, I was considering why it is I prefer to be so solitary. It really can be upsetting to people who like me and who want to spend time with me. But, I'm content. I don't crave the company of my contemporaries as others seem to. I truly wonder why that is. And to be honest, I'm a loyal person, truthful and trustworthy, but because I prefer solitude I'm sort of a crappy friend when it comes to reliability. I usually say that upfront when I meet people, and they usually agree that they are "just like that!" or that gleem comes in that they will be the one to change me. Well, I usually end up finding out that they are co-dependent as all get-out or they discover that I'm not very changeable. I don't like to join groups, I don't want the responsibility of making long-term commitments with people I don't know well.
In my precious down/off-time I want to be pursuing the things that interest me, or I want to be with my husband and family.
I'm trying to look at these various things in the most honest way I know how. I want to recognize in myself if I am making mistakes or have some work to do in areas of intimacy or relating.
We've befriended a few couples recently who live closeby who we really enjoy and who we get along splendidly with. They seem to be as into each other and their kids, as we are, us and ours. So far, it's been nice. We've gotten together at various times and enjoyed their company, and they ours; we've reciprocated invitations and the children all seem to enjoy one another. It's not hard to be with them and when we tell them we can't do something, even if we have to cancel last moment, they seem to understand, and vice versa.
I'm going to keep a close eye on these relationships to see how they evolve, and to see if I, or we, start backing off at an particular time, to see if there is a pattern.
But, as I was walking tonight, I observed myself thinking about these things. And the many other things that I think about while I walk. Things that seem to matter, but in the broader spectrum are just things. And I find that while observing myself thinking while I'm walking I realize that the walking, it isn't about the physical fitness, although that is a great benefit; but, it's like a building up of a life, the muscles and bones of the stucture of the thought. It's a walking forward into it and just wanting to see where the next steps are going to take me.
I've been working a lot lately, we've been busy and the shop is really turning around. Going thru a transition to the next step.... When I'm not there, then I am here, working. And the kids are learning to make friends here in town since I can't drive them across the city or too far of a distance for companionship. So we are making due here in our town's neighborhoods with new friends and adventures in the old places
While I was out tonight, I was considering why it is I prefer to be so solitary. It really can be upsetting to people who like me and who want to spend time with me. But, I'm content. I don't crave the company of my contemporaries as others seem to. I truly wonder why that is. And to be honest, I'm a loyal person, truthful and trustworthy, but because I prefer solitude I'm sort of a crappy friend when it comes to reliability. I usually say that upfront when I meet people, and they usually agree that they are "just like that!" or that gleem comes in that they will be the one to change me. Well, I usually end up finding out that they are co-dependent as all get-out or they discover that I'm not very changeable. I don't like to join groups, I don't want the responsibility of making long-term commitments with people I don't know well.
In my precious down/off-time I want to be pursuing the things that interest me, or I want to be with my husband and family.
I'm trying to look at these various things in the most honest way I know how. I want to recognize in myself if I am making mistakes or have some work to do in areas of intimacy or relating.
We've befriended a few couples recently who live closeby who we really enjoy and who we get along splendidly with. They seem to be as into each other and their kids, as we are, us and ours. So far, it's been nice. We've gotten together at various times and enjoyed their company, and they ours; we've reciprocated invitations and the children all seem to enjoy one another. It's not hard to be with them and when we tell them we can't do something, even if we have to cancel last moment, they seem to understand, and vice versa.
I'm going to keep a close eye on these relationships to see how they evolve, and to see if I, or we, start backing off at an particular time, to see if there is a pattern.
But, as I was walking tonight, I observed myself thinking about these things. And the many other things that I think about while I walk. Things that seem to matter, but in the broader spectrum are just things. And I find that while observing myself thinking while I'm walking I realize that the walking, it isn't about the physical fitness, although that is a great benefit; but, it's like a building up of a life, the muscles and bones of the stucture of the thought. It's a walking forward into it and just wanting to see where the next steps are going to take me.
posted by SPOA | 6:38 PM
5 Comments:
I find that walking helps me as much mentally as it does physically. I actually believe it contributed to pulling me out of a depression at one point. I know it sounds overly simplistic, but sometimes forward movement takes the mind and heart forward too.
Glad your business is doing well.
New hiking shoes. Nice!
Oh me too! I walk everywhere, the further the better. I have been walking to work for the past 10 years and I do believe it helps keep my sanity.
I'm also not a social person. And I've been like that since I was a child. Is there a link between being solitary and walking ? I don't socialize often, and when I do, I like it for short amounts of time, then I've had enough. I don't have many friends because of that. And those that I have are usually like me so we don't see each other very often :-)
I used to feel guilty about being like that, but I've dealt with many crappy characters, I figured they'll just have to deal with mine.
Seph
I'm trying to be more like this: open and loving, and letting friends flow in and out of my life without attachment, resistance, or regret. It's tricky. I tend to be the person who backs off when things get hairy, usually because I feel like I need to deal with my stuff. But I'm learning that with some people you have to get through that in order to have real intimacy and trust. Sometimes it's worth it.
Bella ~ I so agree. I often point to my head when people ask me why I walk so much.
Seph ~ I feel guilty, too. I wonder why that is? But with thr friends who are like me, they totally understand. Maybe it's best to just stick with them, anyhow.
Alissa ~ very good ideas. I thought about that a few times over the past few days after reading your comment. A just 'Be' who you're with, love the one you're with, sort of thing.
I used to feel guilty about it until I realized that I appreciate it in others. It's actually a very nice trait, so now I like it in myself too.
I'm not social, but I like people (not all of them, though, and not all the time). So most of them don't even notice it.
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