Question Thingie Part Deux

Sent to me from my friend Lori, posted on her myspace:

1. When's the last time you ran?
Tuesday
2. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?
nope
3. What are you reading right now?
Ignorance by Milan Kundera, and The River by Gary Paulsen, and a variety of vegetarian cookbooks
5. When is the last time you saw the person you like/liked?
One second ago
8. Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night?
Not often
11. Think of all your exes. Would you take any of them back?
Not a one
12. If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would you do?
Probably not answer the door, but they could come round back and pull up a chair by the fire next to me. Forgive me if I don't stop reading.
13. Who last grabbed your butt?
Royce. Daily.
14. Have you ever been on your school's track team?
Not the school's, but I was on a Jr Olympic team
15. Do you own a pair of Converse?
nope
16. Did you copy and paste this survey?
Yeah.
17. Do you eat raw cookie dough?
Ugh, not often, the thought makes me want to puke a little
18. Have you ever kicked a vending machine?
Kicked, punched, put in a headlock and thrown to the ground
19. Don't you hate when the radio ruins good songs by playing it a million times?
Yes, or me with a cd.
21. Do you watch Trading Spaces?
No
23. Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone?
Not super long.
24. Are you cocky?
I don't think so
3O. Could you live without a computer?
I could, but I don't want to.
31. Do you wear your shoes in the house?
Sometimes. I have wood floors and they are super icky after awhile of not sweeping.
33. At what age did you find out that Santa wasn't real?
About 2nd grade (Thanks to my sister Linda. Thanks Linda.)
35. What do you do when you're sad?
Cry? Sometimes I just lay around and try to figure it out
37. Last time you saw your best friend?
I don't have one best friend. I have lots of best friends and I see them as often as I can.
4O. Who or what sleeps with you?
Royce and Baby Kitty. Sometimes a kid.

We skpped to 44 here. I'll ask her about it later...

44. Are you in high school?
Sometimes metaphorically. But no, I love being 41. (Did I just write that?) (Yes you did :))
45. Is anyone on your bad side now?
I don't have a bad side, all angles are sheer perfection.
46. What jewelry are you wearing?
My wedding ring
47. What's the first thing you do when you get online?
Check email
49. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy?
Nope.
50. How do people spell your name?
The way it's spelled.
51. Would you wear your boyfriends/girlfriends clothes?
No, not my husband's either.
56. What are you doing tomorrow?
Friday? I'm going to Theresa's! YAY!
57. Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson?
I don't ever even think about it.
6O. Will you keep your last name when you get married?
I kept mine while I worked at the place I was working when I married, now I have Royce's name. I like it.
62. When is the last time you left your house?
Yesterday
67. Do you return your cart?
Sure (I ride it there too Lori! lol)
69. Do you have a dishwasher?
yep. its me
7O. What noise do you hear?
AC, cartoon network, Royce breathing, pc fan
71. Would you survive in prison?
No.
76. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, would you?
Probably. No actually probably not. I can't leave work yet. In a few years maybe.
77. Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
Yes, my sister in law has the exact name as me
78. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
Oh about 15

(I don't know the number of this one)What's the last thing you ate?
Chipotle veg salad
84. What is your middle name?
Suzanne
85. Where is your cell phone?
In my backpack
86. Is your phone on vibrate or ring?
Ring, it sounds like a real phone. I like that.
87. What brand are your pants right now?
I'm in my underwear. Let me see... I can't tell because the label is too faded, but they are pink.
88. Ever been to Georgia?
Only when I was looking for a soul to steal (Hi Johnny! That's for you...)
91. What irritates you most on the internet?
Waiting. But not on Precious here, it never makes me wait, the one at work does though... :/
92. Do you watch movies with your parents?
Sometimes. Just one parent though. When I visited my dad in AZ we watch movies.
93. What's your favorite color?
Blue.
94. Favorite song?
One that Steven made for me
97. Where do you work?
At an automotive repair shop
98. Are you taking college classes right now?
No
99. What do you drink?
Water mostly, One diet pepsi in the morning
101. Do you like sushi?
NOT. AT. ALL.
102. Do you get your hair cut every month?
I cut it often myself, but if I could walk in when I have the time and get the urge to see my Angela, future hairdresser to the stars, I would. But I gotta call and make an appt. Me no have time to fool with that. You know? I think I'll ask her for her cell number next time I see her.

I managed to do 200m repeats on the track last night, :57 seconds. Pretty slow lol I feel mostly fine about it though. A few months ago I was determined never to step foot in running shoes again. What happened? I changed my mind, and I like the idea of that.

I was talking to Loki yesterday about working where I work and doing what I like doing which is something I hated a few years ago. Now I love it, I really do. And the job didn't change, only my perception of it did, it seems.

It's a good lesson for me to remember that when I choose to see things one way I can be pretty certain that it's not really the way it probably is most of the time.

But back to running, Royce asked me how I feel after my second sprint and I said, "Out of shape :)" But I also told him that I like how hard it is, and how much has changed in just 2 short weeks. It's still very difficult, but I feel my body doing something it's meant to do, that it's capable of doing and it is exhilerating to know that and feel it. Even though it burns and is exhausting, it feels good to be inside of a body that is living and moving and doing something. And above all, changing right before my eyes. While I'm breathing, it's never too late; a tired adage, and I completely believe it.

Notes on creativity and how things happen

Days ago sitting in the sun with a friend talking over things, and I write down some notes to remember some of what she tells me that she has been considering, and specifically something in particular she could use to help in the next steps of her life plans. This is something I write on a scrap piece of paper that I find in my backpack because I think I may know someone who can do what she needs done. I write the words down haphazardly, with unsure intentions, but basically thinking, 'maybe I can help...'

Days later I am digging through my backpack and I'm trashing receipts and papers I no longer need, rubbish that is taking up space, and into the garbage I throw the piece of scrap with the notes that I wrote while sitting with her. I've just crunched them into a ball. Honestly? Thinking I may not have time to inquire about it anyhow. Then I remember what it is, I take it out, uncrinkle it and smooth it with my hand. I re-read it. I think, '...This will take just a few minutes, let me query the world...' so, I say out loud to a companion of mine, reading from the note I ask him, "Hey I have this friend who needs...(this and such and whatever)... What do you think?"

He replies, "Well I know this fellow who can (maybe provide the service required)"

I go, "Wonderful, can you call him?" And he is on the phone in a moment with fellow who can do the thing my friend says she needs to accomplish the next steps in her life. And the fellow he called more than wholeheartedly agrees to be there for her when I give her the phone number to call him.

I do that, I call her and then she calls him and the deal is made.

Days from now my friend and this fellow will get together to accomplish something together that will be potentially very helpful for my friend's family.

I think afterward, 'Dang. This was so amazing. Absolutely no connection would have been made between these two people, nothing like what is happening between them would have happened if I wouldn't have pulled that piece of scrap paper from the trash. What she said to me, what I said I might be able to do to help would no longer be effecting a movement toward making something happen, to quite possibly a greater potential...'

No, it would be in the dump by now.

So it's like this: Things set into motion from something spoken, that is captured on the wind, channeled through a tunnel, traveling cochlea swirls to the mind to become written down on almost garbage under the beautiful sun on a summer day while sitting with a friend on a bench....

... to be stuffed away and carried on my back (for several days), pulled out to possibly reimagine itself from it's cessation. But, carelessly crumpled, stopped in it's tracks... then, reconsidered, re-released and spoken again, like an echo that once more tumbles itself forward to create... a conceivable happening.

Cameron, AZ

When I was there for the first time it was 1995, the year my mother and Jerry Garcia died. Probably why the trip was so impactful for me and the memory of it so sharp and dear. Ofcourse, I know Cameron from my own memory now, which is different from yours, just as yours is different from those who came before you; and when they change it again, my memory will still want it to remain as it was.

And I suppose in my mind it will remain as I saw it and experienced it...

The Navajo Taco on the Indian Fry bread, yes, as big as the one you have in the photo! It was so delicious to me after having been hiking all of those days, eating bagels, trail mix and fruit. I was dusty and dirty and digging in like it was the heartiest entree of a 5 star restaurant, and to my stomach, it was :)

Wandering in the display room of the Trading Post, looking at the cheap Indian crafts from Guatamala; and alternately, the precious unique works of the local artisans. There was reconstruction in the back going on to add something I would never see.

The beautiful new motel room that it could be I was the first one, or one of the first, to sleep in the new bed. Falling asleep on an unused pillow after sweet lovemaking in the sunny afternoon and not waking for 12 hours. I slept well there, too.

But my parents had been there many times in the past. Funny, and so strange is that I have a photo on my desk right now of my tiny little mother in a pink sweatshirt standing by a creosote bush with the red rock of Sedona behind her. I'm looking at it and this is a complete coincidence to the writing of this post.
My dad told me that before they left to go home, (it might have been this trip, the trip in this photo and this might be the picture he took), she asked him to drive her out to the desert one more time so she could stand in it in the light of the morning. I find that so tender when I think about it, that she would ask him that.

Anyhow, they had been to Cameron many times before me, their first memories of it more like yours. My dad has enjoyed it's changes over the years, perhaps because it has increased the activity of his social life with the natives :).

Lost Along the Way, revisited

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GD_DyoB4Cjs

Midnight Cruiser

By Steely Dan

Felonius, my old friend

Step on in and let me shake your hand

So glad that you're here again

For one more time

Let your madness run with mine

Streets still unseen we'll find somehow

No time is better than now

Tell me where are you driving Midnight Cruiser

Where is your bounty

Of fortune and fame

I am another gentlemen loser

Drive me to Harlem

Or somewhere the same

The world that we used to know

People tell me it don't turn no more

The places we used to go

Familiar faces that ain't smilin' like before

The time of our time has come and gone

I fear we been waiting too long

Tell me where are you driving Midnight Cruiser

Where is your bounty

Of fortune and fame

I am another gentlemen loser

Drive me to Harlem

Or somewhere the same

Ask and you shall receive...

I'll tell you about another great gift that came to me.

And the way they come to me sometimes makes me feel like someone/thing is listening to the measly requests for material goods I feel the need to ask for during this short span that contains my little life.

O.k., I've been wanting chairs for the office, like waiting room chairs for my customers. I really wanted them last week when my friend Alissa came in with her brood and there was no where for them to sit. Ugh, I hate that feeling of being completely unprepared to offer friends to "pull up a chair."

So, I've looked and found different ones online and at stores, but they were way out of our budget. I sort of half heartedly looked on Ebay, but gave up the idea of it when I found two up in some unknown burg in Wisconsin, local pickup only. I started thinking that in a few months I would have a chance to maybe afford one at a time from an office supply place as we get busier, but in the meantime the one extra rolling office chair I have would just have to continue it's duty as makeshift cat bed/customer seating comfort. It was ok as long as we have one cusomer in at a time...

Well, I went for a walk last night and as I was coming up State Street, there was a man and his dog who were coming toward me and I was thinking, "Dang I do not feel like saying hello..." So I turned down the next street just to keep from having to smile at someone (!)

As I was walking I saw that everyone in the neighborhood was putting their trash out, and I came upon a house that had placed SIX office chairs on the sidewalk, each sitting beside the other, lined up like good little orphans, waiting for some nice lady to adopt them and take them home... or even an anti-social lady who avoids personal contact when she's exercising, if she could get her ass in gear to go fast enough to get home to get the truck to get back there in time to get them before the junktrucks started their rounds through the neighborhoods.

I was like this in my mind, a walking mantra, Please oh please,..please, please, please... as I was hoofing it through the 'hood. And then I thought, you ding-dong, just run! You're not a fucking invalid, you just gained 10 lbs. So I did, I ran without a jogbra even, and I burst into the house and hollered, "Honey, hurry! I found our office chairs, we've got to go get them before they're gone!!"

Without even stopping to ask questions (I love this about him), Royce came running down the steps and yelled, "Kids, stay here and don't answer the door!"

So we drove up the street, around the corner and around again, and there they were, still in a proper line, still patiently waiting. And we picked them up, all six, none left behind, and we stuffed them into the back of the truck. I waved at the lady to whom they once belonged who was inside the house where they used to live who waved to me from the window, and I mouthed to her, THANK YOU.

I was so excited, I still am and I keep thinking that in my mind, directed to no one and everyone in particular, another kind of mantra, thank you thank you thank you again

Origin of Species

Chris Smither ~ That's what I call intelligent design...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpNoQaB2LT0

Ripple

Lea made these photos at the creek last week, she was interested in the way the water moves and tried to capture it:

Nick Before and After

Shoulds

I have some really great pics of Nick's haircut. He asked me to cut it the other day and it looks amazing, but...Royce has the USB cord at the shop. I also have some sweet pics that Lea took down at the creek with Annie. And let's see, are there any other photos that are stuck in the camera that I can't put up here today....? Hm, I think that's it. I should have brought it home yesterday, but I forgot.

One of the things I said out loud today which was strange because I don't really think about it that often, but I said, "God, I wish my mom could see that..." It was really stupid, too ~ a toy or something that one of the kids have. I thought she would probably have really enjoyed seeing them with it and I don't know why that particular thing. And honestly, I really don't believe it. I think her problems kept her on the brink of narcissism most of the time and she probably would not have noticed like I sometimes think she would have. Or maybe should have.

I don't really miss her that often anymore, I really can't remember being mothered by her. Mothering takes up too much of my time now. It is a relief in a real way to recognize that I have only to mother now, especially when I see the obligations my friends have to their aging parents or their parents in general, I really don't have that. Even with my father, he has his own life and he's independent and frankly not that interested in me or my family except in a sadly obligatory way.

I guess I feel very grateful, that everyday I feel this and know this: that I don't feel that way toward my kids and they don't feel that way toward me. We are completely in each other's faces all day, criss-crossed over and under, each one of us invariably lifting one another or pulling each other along. There is hardly a moment where we're not enjoying one another; fighting is rare, and disagreements seldom color the mood. Where I am, or we are, or He is, they generally are ~ we can't even keep them out of our room, or their friends either. I feel so fortunate that this is an open house for my children and their relationships to flourish and that they come here, eat here, talk to us, tell us about their lives, play here, bring music to us, sleep here... sometimes Royce and I aren't even involved in their interaction, they just kind of become an offshoot of what we expect and display with respect and care. It's really impressive.

And I know something else, I know that when I'm dead and gone that my impact on my kids and their friends will be meaningful enough to them that they will remember me, and not be relieved that I'm not longer here; but will healthily miss me while moving into the sparkling newness of a life they will have without me. I will leave them feeling strong and capable, fully aware that they were respected, loved, adored, welcomed and wanted.

simple pleasure

A friend reminded me of something.

But I wanted to mention a movie we watched tonight which many have seen already, but for those who haven't, think about renting "The Queen." I really enjoyed that film very much.

Bullets on the unexpected:

• Unread comments
• A good movie about another culture
• Unrehearsed music from the front porch drifting in through my bedroom window
• Friends and uncovering old ideas from a new perspective with them (thanks TTPG)
• Breakfast with unconventional and partly feral, smartypants women (who, I'll add, are SPOAs, too)
• Arrangment of two people on a sofa and crossing leg over leg so the right foot is touched by the right hand
• Someone helping carry the load
• Tranquility in a small yard on a shaking rumbling stumbling planet
• One m&m left on a plate
• How striped socks, gray matter, worms and long spindly fingers can make an enchanting painting
• Being certain about hating Goethe, and then reading this:

Once in a forest
I strolled content
To look for nothing
My sole intent

I saw a flower
Shaded and shy
Shining like starlight
Bright as an eye

I went to pluck it
Gently it said:
Must I be broken?
Wilt and be dead?

Then whole I dug it
Out of the loam
And to my garden
Carried it home

There to replant it
Where no wind blows
More bright than ever
It blooms and it grows

(Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, "Found," 1813)

• Finally, bullets that look like flowers after you post something beside them