Nature Boy 2

I heard Chris Whitley singing a version of this a capella and it was much better than Frank Sinatra. Listening the dead singing songs like this, a capella, is haunting. Man for some reason... my friend tells me it's my in my chart, having to do with pluto or something ~ but certain deaths stay with me for awhile. I do like the eventuality of the quietus. The slowing down to a stop. That's why I always liked the idea of stopping all the clocks when loved ones die. Since they stop anyhow you might as well. Time does stop inside your life and it's so surprising to look outside and see how it is still going for others. How can they keep driving their cars, you think? How can they go to the market or pick up laundry? Life has stopped! Damn them, they should stop too... But then I remembered later, even while in the worst part of it that time starts to move again so slowly.

The first thing I did after my mom died was go to a book store. I found a book of poems and read one and whispered really loudly for Royce who was on the other side of the aisle to come and get me because I thought it quite possible that I was going to collapse from grief. Why did I do that? I have no idea. Why would I read a poem about death in a pulic place the weekend after my mom died? To kill time some more? I was pretty naive.

But eventually I went out. The went out again and more often. Now I go out all the time and time is flying again. Flying. Like a locomotive moving slow and then chug-chug-chug, up to speed and back to do it's thing.

The body is a marvelous thing that way.

But back to the song. There is something inside me that tells me this is a truth about the fairest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be love be back. I was talking about this in another blog, so I won't repeat myself. It's the being loved back that's the hard part, but if you love yourself I guess you can see that it is easy to be loved ~ such a great dichotomy, you can go back and forth with it for years. Or just do it. Royce told me once, "Love who you love." So I guess he's "nature boy" in my life, and he's strange, but not enchanted. Or all that enchanting. A regular Joe really, but those salt of the earth kinda folk are the best to get advice from.

Ok, I'm typing two handed now, but I ain't checking for mistakes today. Or maybe I will later.