Do we let him live?
The title shall remain a mystery for the time being, but to offer this as explanation: I love him. Like mantra, Repeat: I love him. I just wish he'd start the fucking bathroom project and LEAVE ME ALONE for 15 freakin minutes. (!!)
Anyhoo, here it is Sunday again and Baby Kitty is up on the table licking my plate. I feel a little sorry to move her away from here. Because she is starting to act like a normal cat now that I have been letting her outside. She even brought home a dead bird and laid it on the porch the other day. Now when I move her to Arizona, she'll be stuck inside so a coyote doesn't take her out. Maybe I'll get her a window perch. Oh and it occurs to me I could probably leash train her, she seems sort of smart enough.
Life goes on though: Lea spent the night with a girlfriend, Steven is learning to read (by watching violent animated shorts (who needs school?), Nicholas came in late last night and said, Hi Mommy, I'm home. Ok and then there is the little thing about how I feel this ripping when I think about the kids not being here for Halloween, or to be with their Uncle or.... But then I think, flying is cheap and we'll have a big house.... We'll probably have to time-share the rooms for our families...
So this morning I was sitting on the bed, covering my heart with my pillow. And talking about leaving with Royce...
After we talked about all the memories and our people we leave behind, the things we have here and know about our lives with such certainty, the tearing away, the times with loved ones we won't see in this part of the world, the weather we won't miss, and us sitting there tossing this fear back and forth like a medicine ball for a little while, I said to Royce with so much doubt and an achy lump buried under heavy apprehension in my throat, "Should we do this?"
He gave me a nod without hesitation and went, "Oh yeah....
Definitely."
Ok. We let him live :)
Anyhoo, here it is Sunday again and Baby Kitty is up on the table licking my plate. I feel a little sorry to move her away from here. Because she is starting to act like a normal cat now that I have been letting her outside. She even brought home a dead bird and laid it on the porch the other day. Now when I move her to Arizona, she'll be stuck inside so a coyote doesn't take her out. Maybe I'll get her a window perch. Oh and it occurs to me I could probably leash train her, she seems sort of smart enough.
Life goes on though: Lea spent the night with a girlfriend, Steven is learning to read (by watching violent animated shorts (who needs school?), Nicholas came in late last night and said, Hi Mommy, I'm home. Ok and then there is the little thing about how I feel this ripping when I think about the kids not being here for Halloween, or to be with their Uncle or.... But then I think, flying is cheap and we'll have a big house.... We'll probably have to time-share the rooms for our families...
So this morning I was sitting on the bed, covering my heart with my pillow. And talking about leaving with Royce...
After we talked about all the memories and our people we leave behind, the things we have here and know about our lives with such certainty, the tearing away, the times with loved ones we won't see in this part of the world, the weather we won't miss, and us sitting there tossing this fear back and forth like a medicine ball for a little while, I said to Royce with so much doubt and an achy lump buried under heavy apprehension in my throat, "Should we do this?"
He gave me a nod without hesitation and went, "Oh yeah....
Definitely."
Ok. We let him live :)
posted by SPOA | 10:18 AM
1 Comments:
KEEPING THINGS WHOLE
In a field
I am the absence
of field.
This is
always the case.
Wherever I am
I am what is missing.
When I walk
I part the air
and always
the air moves in
to fill the spaces
where my body's been.
We all have reasons
for moving.
I move
to keep things whole.
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