distinction

There is something about creating distinctions around oneself that seems very comforting to me and something I have never been able to adhere to with any kind of authentic commitment. To attach oneself to an ideal or a state of mind seems like it would make life very meaningful. Not that I don't experience meaning in my life, I do.. but even though it's a constant, it is subtle... subtly sublime, yes that is it. But what would it be like to have such an abiding faith to know that what you believe in is really right and to have no doubt that what comes out of your mouth, the thoughts in your head, your actions that all stemmed from this particular point of view, that they are all ...absolute.

I have tendencies toward one thing or another so people will assume that I live by a set of beliefs, but when they start to try to sidle up to a commonality, I disappoint them. This happens all the time. I want to call myself something, believe me; it would make my life so much less complicated, but I don't feel the feelings of zeal for any particular cause, or religion or way.

Though.... I do really dig this Quaker chewy granola bar I am eating... It is awesome. It's got the granola bar oat-y feel in my mouth, but inside there are those little puffed rice that softly styrofoam pop between my teeth, and then there are nestled in between little tiny delectable chocolate chips. I wonder what it is stuck together with... hmmm, let's see: molasses and brown sugar and oligofructose,... (oligofructose...what the hell.....) Well, no wonder my salivary glands are having post coital like secretions begging for more. Dang, I don't think I should have another one ~ they are like 100 calories a pop... Oh fuck it, if I am going to ruin my girly figure at age forty I'll just conclude that I've had a good run to this point... and ..... Mmm, yeah, oh yeah, these are really good.

O.k. now what was I saying... something about excited contractions and coital bliss and lusty delicious meaning in penetrations of absolute certainty... or having no doubt about your passion when receiving something larger than yourself, that has endurance,... uninterupted and long-lasting and makes it so belief is firm, and not so hard to swallow...

Zeal, I was talking about zeal.