Found

I went out for a run at dusk this one night. I don't even know when. I still lived with my parents but I was older, sometime before Nicholas came. The place I wanted to run was down by the lake that was close to our house. If I took off out of the drive, then I would head east up the hill follow the driveway next to the cemetery, and then back behind the woods. Down by the water there was an old road there. Bricks and concrete pieces and overgrowth of weeds and brush. Trash and wildflowers not fighting for reign, but living in a side by sideness. There was a lot of debris from old fires, impromptue parties and fishing trips. Abandoned car rubble, and rocks. There were deer beds, even human beds underneath trees for lovers. Rabbits and turtles wandering, coyote scat, dead fish with no eyes. This was once a through way from city to city, now it was going back to wild. I liked to go down there when the reservoir was low because you could walk clear across to the other side, like Jesus on Galilee, except, no water.

When I went for a run that evening the water was high. On the roadway that was no longer a roadway, you needed to be certain about your footing. One misstep and I could tumble into the lake. I stayed to the side on the leftover road and ran about a mile and then stopped to watch the sun go down, though I couldn't see it. But I could see the reflection of it in the eastern trees across the lake and felt it on my back, everything was covered in the last light like warm golden butter. I thought about turning home but I knew I could never get there by the time it was dark and I would be taking a chance to run on that old road and get caught in the tributaries I had manuevered around. I was pretty much stuck.

I sat down on a boulder and looked out to find the water and it was splashing up close to my feet but I could barely see it. I only had the sound. And my eyes sharpened but failed in the darkest dark with no moon. I put my head in my hands.

I started listening to the sounds, the splashing, the crish, crish of something digging closeby, leaves blowing in the brush, but nothing I knew as a way to get home. I thought about heading the back way through the woods, but I was in shorts and most of it was overgrown briars and I didn't want to get tangled in them.

I decided to just stay because I could actually think of worse places to be. I was remembering a time when my boyfriend and I were down there along the roadway and lost under a struggling ash tree, my underwear moved over just the slightest bit to accomodate love and when we looked out to the water afterward, we saw a man wave to us from a fishing boat. It made me laugh to recollect it and in the dark that night it sounded so foreign and out of place in the return to the wild that I was infringing on.

It was some time later when I heard a shuffling of feet coming toward me and I panicked. It hadn't occurred to me that I might not be alone, without another human around, I mean. And there was no place for me to jump behind or hide. Like a little girl I closed my eyes and hoped that whoever it was might pass by. And the steps came closer and when I peeked, I saw there was a light. My heart was pounding in my throat I was so scared and the walking stopped, and I saw that it had turned around moved back toward where it had come from and then stopped and came back toward me. My sigh of relief turned back into panic. It was getting close enough that I could hear breathing, and then see a figure and it was a man, and then a deep voice that said to me my name.
And then, "What are you doing out here?"

"I went for a run and couldn't find my way back."
"Ok follow me."
"All right"

I watched his sure feet in front of mine and we followed the flashlight out ahead.

"How did you know where to come and find me?"
"I went to where I would have gone."

Ah, a runner knows where a runner will go.

"Are you mad?"
"Yes."
"I'm glad you came out to look."
"You're mother was worried."
"Well thanks"
"Just don't do it again."
"O.k."

And ofcourse I did. Again and again.